My sincerest apologies for my months-long absence. Since late August I have been student teaching full time, have been a student at my university full time, and have spent my weekends working another job and volunteering in the mornings. Time got away from me so quickly that I have not been able to even journal in my personal life. This is the first poem I’ve written since the summer and for the next few weeks of my break (until that vicious and tormenting cycle beings all over again in the spring) to not only write more of my own work, but to read and connect with yours.

What was once at my soul’s core – a sense of pride, a sense of self
A fragile eye that offered a glimpse into a meaningful existence
Is now suddenly a curse, a result of faulty wiring; remnants of abuse
Something to be cured, overcome, rather than itself a wall of resistance

With nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, I turned inward to stay alive
What wonders my cranium generate; a safe place to explore
With questions and insights, but no definite answers, I would create
Create world of colors and rhythms where my soul could thrive

Those worlds meant everything to me – I felt free and unique
That somehow I was a part of something beyond those four walls
Through the fists and curses and the scratches, there was light
There was some sort of net below to catch me upon my fall

Once in awhile those worlds would take me to an afterlife
Of mystery, uncertainty, and death that was undeniably soothing
I knew of the consequences, of the finality it would bring
Yet only wished to protect the heart others grew comfortable abusing

But I held on tight, dangling over the edge by that last string of hope
That the world I envisioned was out there, filled with rhyme and reason
All I had to do was stay strong a little longer
Embrace those universes of color my mind had given me a tease of

Others, like me, roamed in all of their glory – I was a part of a whole
Folks with visions and insights that others could not see
From then on, however, I was labeled as crazy, insane, depressed
Instructed to pop some pills for everyone except selfish me

As a result, these mysterious world have vanished from my head
Taking with them the soul I have known, the reality I could comprehend
I may be breathing but I am utterly alone, drowning in black and white
Falling through an abyss so void of hope, I may as well be dead.